My good sir! -Reader x France? (Crack)

Do not take this seriously, this is just some good 'ol drabble crack I thought of.

Warning: Slight cuss words.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sleek, smooth, absolutely dashing. This Frenchman was ready to hunt for a fine, delicious piece of prey. Anyone who knew this young man knows exactly what that meant, sometimes scaring them. He was at one of his regular territories, a well-kept club to be exact, his cobalt blue orbs running over the crowd, searching for a delectable sweet treat.

Oh, there were many beauties to choose from, but he wanted something new. He had been here so many times, he practically knew each dancing body heating up the room from such erotic moves. He chuckles, though. Remembering the aftermath of their greetings, he licks his slightly dry lips slowly as his next victim comes into sight.

Knee length, black dress hugging her in all the right places, glinting (E/C) irises, innocently cute smile. Ah, what a beauty. This certain Frenchman sees something he'd love to take a bite of. With his own devilish good looks, and her pure innocents, it shouldn't take him too long before desert is served.

Making his way smoothly through the crowd, accidentally groping others at times, he reaches his goal with a flirty smile. She doesn't seem to notice at first, more focused on the non-alcoholic drink. Hearing someone clear their throat suddenly, she lifted her head slowly up to meet his lust-filled eyes.

"Bonjour, ma belle~What a lovely night it is, oui?" He slid himself swiftly next to her on the booth, getting a little too close for comfort. She blinked, tilting her head at this new company, (H/C) locks falling between her eyes.

"We're indoors, so does that mean you have see-through vision?" Hearing her answer, he isn't sure if she's joking or actually serious since her face, and voice, held no emotions. But he chuckles, lifting his left hand to brush the fallen hair behind her ear. Even with little light, he noticed her eyes watching that hand intently, though he believed the reason for this is because she's so innocent, never have been touched by a man.

"Ah, if only..." His voice trailed off a moment, thinking of having such power, causing his orbs to trace over her body all the while. Something she was well aware of. "But sadly, no. Enough of that, though. How about you tell me your name, Ma Chérie?" Purring next to her right ear, he leaned his body closer to hers.

"Telling random people your name is weird. Are you calling me weird, mofo?" Blinking at his closeness, she watched his eyes widen a bit before another, low, chuckle is heard by him. She guessed he didn't know the meaning of 'mofo', or he's just an idiot.

"Oh, how adorable you are!" He squealed, hugging her around the waist.

"You're a fine creeper, my good sir. I say!"

"Such a funny young lady, but may I ask you something?"

"As long as it's not about what happened last Friday night between me and mister eyebrows, go for it."

"Do you like math?"

"Maybe..."

"Then won't you solve this for me~ Me, plus you, add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply~"

Processing...


Processing...


Processing...


Processing...

...failed?

"...The fuck you talkin' about, my good sir?"

"A beautiful lady shouldn't use that sort of language!"

"I shouldn't do a lot of things. But I do anyway since the person makes a funny face."

"A lot of things~?" Leaning next to her left ear, he whispers seductively. "We could do many things at my home, sweetheart~"

"No, no, I'm not a hoe, gotta go."

She stands, only to feel his hand grasp her right arm, pulling her into his chest as he lets out a husky laugh. Tilting the young woman's head upward by her chin so their eyes could meet, faces only apart by little inches, he purrs out, "Ohhonhonhon, you haven't had desert yet. I must say, you certainly look good enough to eat~"

"You know, sometimes I black out and wake up three days later in a jail cell. It takes me a while to remember what happened, but then it finally clicks."

"Um...What?"

"I beat the shit out of a creeper, my good sir."

Before she knew it, her vision went completely black.